


Hide & Seek

by Stopit_Play



Category: SHINee
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Angst, Death, Guns, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Insecurity, M/M, Violence, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9519056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stopit_Play/pseuds/Stopit_Play
Summary: Just, please, never forget that I love you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is posted on my Tumblr too.

_This is like a game, the game of hide and seeks._

_I’ll hide and you’ll look for me_

 

It used to be so fun and comfortable to be with you. Even when we were with other people, we would always seek for each other.

I don’t know when everything changed, I really don’t know, or maybe I know but I was too blind to see further.

 

_You'll seek my words, my warmth. But I can no longer give it to you._

 

It started by you giving those cold stares to my friends, I thought it was normal I was your boyfriend after all. I remember feeling so full of myself because you were by my side, because I was the reason you were jealous.

 

_You betrayed us and now is time to say enough. I can’t do this anymore._

 

It escalated quickly, you became obsessed with who I would go out with. And every time I told you I was going out you would put that face that I could not stand looking into, you seemed so fearful that I was going to leave you. Gosh I should have noticed.

 

_I love you, but I love myself too._

 

You would call every hour, asking when would I be returning home, or if I was ok. Our calls used to end with an “I love you”, but they became “You would never leave me, right?” and I would answer with “never” and end the call.

Your insecurity took the best from us, it was a never ending cycle. You would always find something wrong with the people I’d hang out, “where are you going looking like this?”, “why are your clothes so revealing ?” even if I was wearing simple clothes, the ones you said looked good on me. And that’s was the problem, you didn’t want anyone more than you to look at me.

So I stopped going out with my friends, I kept myself busy on the house, listening every song that you composed (the ones that made it to the market and the ones that didn’t)

 

_Please let me go, I don’t want to fight anymore._

_Your touch used to be so warm but now is a never ending burn._

 

But I needed to be free; I could not stand living like this.

So I told you that, God how I wish I didn’t. The look you gave me, it surprised me.  The hurt in your eyes screamed betrayal and not only your eyes, your mouth screamed too.There was so much pain and dejection in your voice, I have never heard you scream like that, with words that pained the both of us you said that I wanted to leave you behind, that you couldn’t be enough for me.

Fury overtook you and you punched me, in that moment, I knew we were lost.

That was the last drop of water on the already spilling glass.

I ran into our room and locked the door with you right behind me, just mere inches, but you stayed on the other side.

I could hear you sobbing on the other side of the door asking for forgiveness.

 

_I never thought that I’ll be hiding from you._

_But I know that if I stay, it would be game over for me._

 

I know that even if you regret hitting me, if we-, no, if I don’t stop this now, this madness will never end. Because you will always look for me and even if I hide, I know that I will go back to you. I always did it.

So I went for the safe that we have inside our wardrobe and pull the gun out, it’s ironic, we bought it (just in case) to protect ourselves from others and now I will use it to protect us from **_each other_.**

It is better this way, you could not live in a world without me, but we can no longer be together.

 

_I’ll run and hide, you’ll stop seeking soon._

 

It’s been awhile since you stopped banging at the door, I can’t hear you either, so I reach for it and try to hear something, **_anything_** that could tell me that you are still in the house, but I just hear silence.

So as quietly as I can I start to open the door, and you are on the other side. Your breathing is calm now, it seems that you fell asleep sitting beside the door.

I have to act quickly and now that you are sleep is my chance, this way it will be less painful for the both of us.

 

_Just, please, never forget that I love you._

 

I crunch down to get to your level and point the gun to one side of your head as at the same time I whisper into your ear _“I love you Kim Jonghyun”._

I hear your voice whispering in response a faint _“I love you too, Kim Kibum”._

And like that, I pull the trigger.

Without thinking of the blood smeared all over my face I lay down beside you, clasp one of your hands with mine and pull the trigger one last time.

 

_In this game we call life._

_For us, the game is over now._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why did I write this, it pains me so much.  
> Please feel free to hate me, I hate myself for doing this.


End file.
